Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
