Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
