M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
