I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
