Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
