you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
