Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
