ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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