I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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