Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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