and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
