I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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