Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
