A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
