I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
