Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
