I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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