You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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