i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
