I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
