saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
