Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Someone shit on the floor
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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