If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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