Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
