I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
