If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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