Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
