GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
