Swine flu. Run for my life!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
