She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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