I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
