i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
