Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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