It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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