I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
