Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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