drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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