I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
