Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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