No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
