Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
