and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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