so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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