Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
