Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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