I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
