and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
