Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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