and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
