We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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