So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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