Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
