Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
