My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
