I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
