We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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