But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
