i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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