We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
