i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
