I just cut my nipple shaving
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
