Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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