Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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