Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
