Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
