do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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